At a random moment in the past few months, it struck me that alienation and addiction are simply flip sides of the same coin, just really nasty ways we experience a pull away from, or a pull toward, something. Any time I or you are addicted to something, we are equally alienated from something (perhaps the exact same thing!). So if we want to get out of the nastiness, we always have a choice of where to put our attention — on the addiction, or the alienation?

When I woke up a few minutes ago, I chose to focus on my alienation, and while writing this, realized that what I am alienated from is my power. In other words, I have been believing that I have no power.

I want more power.

That feels thrilling to write, a rush of movement. And that is part of why I started writing this. In this moment, I have transcended the alienation enough to acknowledge and even celebrate my desire for power. The vicious cycles of addiction and alienation depend deeply on self-judgement of my behaviors or thoughts. The virtuous circle of — let's call it grace — depends equally on celebration.

I also started writing to be clearer with myself about what is going on in me. Seeing things as they are is another powerful part of shifting from alienation and addiction to grace.

As I wrote I intended to publish it here, because writing publicly gives my writing more power. It invites me to write clearly enough to be understood by others — which makes it clearer to me. And it invites me to check more deeply, to stand more firmly in what I'm writing. Am I willing to declare to the world that this is what I experience and believe? I am.