Watch out world, I'm back+content

Haven't loved life this much in a looong time.

 

My biggest life challenge is that my very existence can seem threatened by someone being angry with me, or any sense that someone has negative feelings toward me, or even if they're just not giving me "enough" attention. The less connected I am, the less aware I am of having these thoughts, and the more likely I am to believe them. And the more I believe them, the more likely I am to desperately avoid or try to "fix" such situations.

 

Yesterday I had the enlightening realization — on a gut level, not just as an idea — that the strength of my fear, every time I experience it, comes directly from how much I love life. I've spent enough time in fear that this was earth-shifting, bumping my hope and trust to levels I haven't felt for years.

 

Update (a day later): Oh, right, all of my emotions and impulses are some manifestation of loving life!

 

Update (a month later, now): The initial surge of energy and trust has faded some, which is just a reminder that maintaining it takes continued awareness and attention from myself, and from those in my support network. I've been investing in that, and it's paying off.